Why does God allow pain and suffering: Our trials equip us to help others

Why does God allow pain and suffering? That question sits at the center of so many conversations we have with people who are hurting—especially those recovering from betrayal. As the team behind New Destiny Coaching and the Beyond Betrayal program, we have sat with dozens of people wrestling with this exact question. Why does God allow pain to enter our stories? Why does God allow suffering that seems unnecessary, unfair, or crushing? (Watch the discussion between Life Coach & Pastor, Kerry Decker, and Life Coach, Karen Johnson.)

Reframing suffering as a gift

We do not say that pain is good in itself. Pain is not something any of us would choose. But if we ask, "Why does God allow pain and suffering," the answer we describe is not that God delights in our hurt; it is that God allows life—real life—to happen, and in real life suffering is part of the landscape. When we reframe suffering as a gift, we begin to see how it can bear fruit. James reminds us, "Count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds, for the testing of your faith produces perseverance" (James 1:2-3). Suffering can grow perseverance and maturity in us that comforts and equips others.

The two-fold result

Pain equips us in two complementary ways: empathy and insight. Why does God allow pain and suffering? One of the main reasons is empathy. When we have been through hurt, we can truly empathize with others. We can say, "I know how lonely I felt," or "I know how life changing betrayal was," etc. and our words land differently because they are grounded in experience.

Empathy is the first gift, but alone it is incomplete. The second gift is insight. Insight is hindsight applied with reflection. It's the ability to look back at what happened, identify what helped and what hindered our healing, and then pass those lessons on. When people ask "Why does God allow pain and suffering," we remind them that the goal is not simply to have felt the pain, but to be formed by it in ways that enable us to help others more wisely.

How empathy and insight work together

Empathy opens the door—people feel heard and seen. Insight points the way—people receive practical and tested guidance. We often tell those walking through betrayal that some lessons are painful and unforgettable. Those painful lessons are precisely the ones that, when processed, make us credible and useful to someone behind us on the path. In short, suffering can enlarge our capacity to minister both compassionately and skillfully.

The role of God’s comfort in why He allows pain and suffering:

Another crucial piece of this question is comfort. Rather than asking, "Why does God allow pain and suffering" ask, "How does God respond to pain and suffering?" Scripture refers to  God as, "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," (2 Corinthians 1:3b). This means that God does not simply permit suffering and walk away. God offers comfort—both directly and indirectly.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Corinthians 3b-4)

This passage shows two dimensions of comfort. First, there is direct comfort—those quiet moments when we sense God’s presence, consolation, and steadiness. Second, there is mediated comfort—God using other people to bring solace into our lives. When we grieve and allow others in, God often uses fellow travelers to stand with us, to hold us, and to point us back to hope.

Grieving as part of healing

Grief is not optional. We teach that grief must be allowed and processed. When we insist on minimizing pain or masking it with busyness, we rob ourselves of the maturation process that follows. If we want to truly answer "Why does God allow pain and suffering," we must accept that grieving is a necessary step. It opens us to divine comfort and to the human comfort that can be delivered by a friend, a counselor, or a community of faith.

Practical signs that grieving is happening well

• We name the loss and allow ourselves to feel it rather than dismiss it.
• We accept help and presence from others instead of withdrawing.
• We seek both spiritual and practical resources that move us forward.

Lessons we take into the future

When people ask, "Why does God allow pain and suffering," they often want a blueprint for avoiding future pain. While we cannot avoid all suffering, we can learn from it. Learning requires reflection and experimentation—what we call, "hindsight applied as insight." Like a gardener who adjusts watering and soil over seasons, we can adjust how we make choices, how we set boundaries, and how we guard our hearts.

We have found that telling our stories—both the testimony of how we became believers and the testimony of the struggles we endured—creates a powerful environment for others to heal. Hearing someone share their raw, honest journey gives permission to grieve and models how to move through grief without becoming bitter.

Steps to move beyond betrayal

We often coach clients through a series of steps that help translate suffering into acceptance. If you are struggling or are currently in pain, consider these steps:

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Name what was lost and the emotions attached to it.
2. Accept comfort—both from God and from trustworthy people who can stand with you.
3. Reflect honestly on what helped and what hurt during your journey.
4. Experiment with small changes—new boundaries, new habits, safer relationships—and observe the outcomes.
5. Share what you learn. Your testimony can be the bridge someone behind you needs.

These steps are not linear. We may revisit grief, learn new comforts, and gather fresh insights as we go. But each cycle deepens our capacity to both receive healing and to offer it to others.

Life Coaches perspective

Transformation from comfort to comforting others is at the heart of why God allows certain trials. The trials do not make us stronger simply for our own sake—they equip us to help others who are walking the same tightrope between despair and hope.

We do not minimize the sting of betrayal or the heaviness of grief. Instead, we insist on the redemptive possibility: that pain, when processed and under the care of God and community, forms in us compassion and competence.

Community, testimony, and the ongoing work 

One of the most powerful ministries we have is testimony—people sharing not just how they became Christians but how they survived and grew through specific hardships. Those stories are not recycled platitudes; they are laboriously tested insights that help others avoid pitfalls and find practical steps forward.

We host a community space—BeyondBetrayal.org on Facebook—where people can continue this conversation. In community, we can practice mediated comfort. We can invite others into our story and, in doing so, become vessels of God's comfort to each other.

Final reflections

So when we are asked, "Why does God allow pain and suffering," we answer with humility and with experience. God allows life—which includes pain—but God does not abandon us in that pain. God comforts us and uses our comforted hearts to comfort others. The gifts we receive from suffering—empathy and insight—are not gifts we would choose on our own, but they are gifts nonetheless that can be used to show people the path forward.

If you are walking through pain right now, know this: you are not destined to stay stuck. Grieve, accept comfort, reflect, and, when you are ready, share. The lessons you learn can become the road map someone behind you desperately needs.

We invite you to join us in community, to share your story, and to allow your pain to be transformed into a means of helping others. Together, we can affirm that God allows pain and suffering not as a reason for despair but as the beginning of a compassionate and wise ministry born from real wounds.

You don't have to face this alone. Get connected with Pastor & Master Life Coach, Kerry Decker or Master Life Coach, Karen Johnson of New Destiny Coaching today. Life can be good again!