5 Steps to Recognize and Protect Yourself from Gaslighting 

Gaslighting is a subtle form of manipulation that makes you doubt your interpretation of reality. Which is why it is so important to understand it, be able to recognize it, and know how to guard against it. Have ever been told, "You're crazy," "That never happened, you're remembering it wrong," had your feelings trivialized, been lied to, or been isolated by lies/rumors? These are forms of gaslighting. We want to share a practical, step-by-step approach for strengthening your discernment so that you can recognize gaslighting, protect your emotional health, and trust your internal warnings again.

These techniques can help you navigate relationships, work, and spiritual communities. Pastor and Life Coach, Kerry Decker, and Life Coach Karen Johnson, share real-life examples and a few short quotes that cut to the heart of the matter: discernment is key when dealing with gaslighting. Check out our broadcast here. 

Step 1: When your “smell detector” senses something fishy

When food stinks it's worth paying attention because it could be rotten and not good for you. But how can you tell if what someone is saying is unhealthy? Oftentimes you receive warning signs from your body, spirit, and mind. Kerry calls that inner alert your smell detector. Maybe you get tension in your stomach, a sinking feeling, or a loop of anxious thoughts after a conversation. When gaslighting begins, that detector is often the first thing to register something is off.

But test that "gut feeling" to see if there's truth to it. Not all good smelling foods are good for you and some odorless items can be deadly. So we can't rely entirely on a sense. Examining what people say over time and comparing it to their actions provides a backup detector when someone has cleverly disguised their rottenness. (Check out the good "Fruits of the Spirit" and their counterpart the rotten "Acts of the Flesh" in Galatians 5)

Step 2: Gaslighting thrives on isolation

A common tactic of gaslighting is isolation. Isolation provides the manipulator center stage so their version of events becomes the resounding one. Combat isolation by building a network of safe people—friends, mentors, or counselors who have your best interest and health in mind, and will provide you with the support you need.

• Ask for feedback from people who have shown consistent integrity.
• Choose those who prioritize truth over being agreeable.
• Listen to other people’s "smell detectors" about a person or situation. Sometimes a family member, friend, or coworker will see something you missed.

Take validation of reality from safe people, not from those who display manipulative patterns. That small habit limits the opportunity for gaslighting to gain traction.

Step 3: Train your senses to discern good from bad

Discernment grows with practice. The Bible recognizes that maturity is evident in someone, “who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Hebrews 5:14)

Training your senses means exposing yourself to real relationship work: honest conversations, boundaries, and follow-through in small matters. The goal is not perfection; it’s ripeness—learning from missteps so your internal compass becomes more reliable.

1. Reflect on past situations where you ignored your gut. What happened?
2. After difficult interactions reflect on what you noticed, what was said, what felt untrue? Write down your observations.
3. Review those notes to track patterns and sharpen your discernment.

Over time, those small reflections train you to distinguish between good and evil which reduces your susceptibility to gaslighting.

Step 4: Be assertive, not avoidant or aggressive. End the tug-of-war

Gaslighters can gain leverage when you feel compelled to defend every point by wearing you down. Assertiveness is the middle ground between avoidance and aggression. It’s about standing up for your truth calmly and clearly.

Here are simple phrases to use when conversations turn into ping-pong arguments:

• “I think I understand where you’re coming from, and I see it differently.” This shows respect while protecting your perspective.
• “I’m going to make a decision based on what I believe is best, and I’ll accept the outcome.” That statement halts endless debate and places responsibility back on you.
• “No," is a complete sentence. Use this when a boundary is being tested. You do not owe explanations that fuel further manipulation.

Assertiveness is not about winning. It’s about stopping the tug-of-war. When one side quits pulling the tug-of-war ends.

Step 5: What matters most?

Part of learning discernment is sorting out what matters. Some things are preferences, other things are core values or safety issues. Your job is to learn the difference.

• Ask: Will this decision preserve emotional, spiritual, and relational health?
• Set clear non-negotiable boundaries: ongoing lying, physical or emotional abuse, and manipulation through gaslighting are never acceptable.
• For gray areas, preferences, styles, small issues, prioritize the person over the disagreement. Try negotiating or taking turns making decisions.

Know when saying, “I see it differently and I’m choosing this,” is enough. And know when you need to step away to protect your (or your dependent's) health. Health and safety is the baseline. If a pattern of gaslighting threatens emotional, physical, or spiritual health, immediate action and limits are appropriate.

Recovery tips for when gaslighting has already caused doubt

If gaslighting has left you doubting yourself, try this short reset routine:

1. Write down the interaction in plain language.
2. List objective facts you remember—what was said, what was done, what you felt.
3. Ask a trusted person for their perspective, not a verdict. “Does this sound off to you?”
4. Make a boundary-oriented decision: a time-limited break, a refusal to argue, or a request for counseling.

These steps restore your sense of agency and interrupt the cycle of self-doubt that gaslighting creates.

"There is always a good way forward. It may not be desirable, but it is possible." Strong forward movement starts with tiny, courageous choices to trust your senses and protect your well-being.

Final thoughts

Gaslighting works by taking your inner dial and turning it down so you doubt what you know. Reclaiming that dial takes practice, safe people, and clear boundaries. Start small—notice your smell detector, check the facts, practice assertiveness, clarify non-negotiables, and prioritize relational health.

If you begin applying these steps, your discernment will grow. You will not be immune to manipulation, but you will be far less likely to be controlled by it. Trusting your senses again is a gradual process, but it is possible—one honest conversation and one boundary at a time.

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