God uses our pain and suffering to accomplish good

Why does God allow pain and suffering? Pastor Kerry Decker and Karen Johnson of New Destiny Coaching wrestle with this question that has haunted believers and seekers for centuries.  Here they unpack the answers they explored together, drawing on a conversation centered around words of Dr. Charles Stanley and their own ministry reflections. Our aim is to move beyond vague platitudes and toward a faithful, practical understanding of the outcomes God pursues through hardship.

When pain lands in our lives—through illness, betrayal, loss, or abuse—the question becomes more urgent and less theoretical. We are not asking from a distance; we are asking from the center of our brokenness. One central truth echoed throughout our discussion: God does not desire our suffering, but He can and does use suffering to accomplish good outcomes in our lives.

Two sides of the coin: Pain as harm, pain as opportunity

There are two ways to view pain and suffering. Pain is a real, unpleasant intrusion into life. It wounds, it disorients, and it breaks things that may never be fully restored. But, suffering can become the raw material God uses to shape character, deepen dependence, and prepare us for greater maturity.

"Pain and suffering will either make us better or, the wrong response, it'll make you bitter," Dr. Charles Stanley shared. That line captures the responsibility we carry in responding to pain. Two people can walk through the same tragedy and emerge with radically different outcomes, depending largely on how they respond to God, others, and themselves.

The theological framework for why God allows suffering:

• God's perfect will is for a world without pain. If God had it entirely His way, there would be no suffering.
• We live in a fallen world with fallen people—and moral evil (choices people make) accounts for much of the pain we experience.
• God permits suffering because of free will and because He can bring ultimate good out of permitted evil.
• God's purposes are often formative: discipline, growth toward wholeness, and preparation for vocation and service.

God allows pain and suffering AND God is good, loving, and powerful. If those attributes are true, then suffering cannot be the final word. Instead, suffering becomes part of a larger story where God is working—even when we cannot see how.

Outcomes God seeks through suffering

Instead of asking, "Why does God allow pain," ask, "What does God want to do in us through this pain?" Here are some outcomes of pain we identified that are practical and relational as well as theological:

1. Wholeness, we reframed the biblical term "holiness" as "wholeness" to make the goal clearer: God’s discipline aims at our maturity, integrity, and relational health.
2. Dependence on God. Hardship exposes our limits and invites us to rely on the Lord instead of ourselves.
3. Character formation. Suffering refines patience, compassion, and perseverance—traits necessary for ministry and healthy relationships.
4. Correction and redirection. God sometimes allows consequences so that wrong paths do not succeed and we are redirected toward life-giving choices.

Discipline is an expression of love. Like a parent who corrects a child, God’s corrective purposes aim at our long-term good even when the immediate experience feels harsh.

Biblical anchors: Trusting God when answers are scarce

Romans 8 offers clear biblical assurance, "What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?" That rhetorical question doesn’t deny suffering. Instead, it locates suffering within the broader promise that God is for us and will work all things together for good for those who love Him. (See Romans 8:28)

"Love and follow Him and He'll turn it for your good."

That line is not a promise that everything will be pleasant; it is a promise that God has the wisdom and power to redeem. Faith asks us to trust God’s character more than our experience.

Practical responses: Better, not bitter

How do we move from theory to practice? Here are some concrete steps that help people respond to suffering in ways that orient them toward God's desired outcomes:

• Name the pain. We must be honest before God and community about how we hurt.
• Guard against bitterness. Bitterness is a relational toxin that steals the formative potential of suffering.
• Practice thanksgiving and praise—not as a denial of reality but as a means of trusting God's goodness even when we don't understand.
• Seek counsel and safe community. Growth often happens in the context of others who can model healthy responses.
• Look for the lesson, not the blame. Ask what God might be teaching or how He is redirecting you.

These steps require time and grace. No checklist will instantly resolve deep wounds. Still, persistent faithful practices open us to the outcomes God intends.

Wholeness vs. holiness: Reframing God’s aim

To many, the word "holiness" sounds judgmental or distant. We suggest thinking of "holiness" as "wholeness." God’s discipline aims at our completeness—emotionally, morally, spiritually, and in our relationships.

Failed relationships, job losses, and other painful experiences become guides to wholeness when we allow them to teach us about boundaries, dependence, and healthy living. That reframing shifts the question "Why does God allow pain," from accusation to invitation. God invites us into deeper maturity through the very things that threaten to fracture us.

When words fail: Holding space for grief

Sometimes the best response to someone’s pain is presence, grief, and listening. We must not rush to explanations or platitudes when people are raw. Those suffering deserve patient, compassionate engagement.

Invitation to further resources and community

We offer life coaching, a Beyond Betrayal Facebook group, courses, and have a free devotional. We believe community and truth help transform suffering from an isolating wound into a shared path toward healing.

Key takeaways: summary

• We must hold together the truth that God is good and that suffering is real and often the result of a broken world.
• Why does God allow suffering? Because He can bring greater goods—wholeness, dependence, character—out of the hardships we endure.
• Our responses matter: thanksgiving, trust, and community help ensure suffering makes us better rather than bitter.
• Practical disciplines—honesty, counsel, boundaries, and patience—help us move toward the outcomes God intends.

God does not abandon us to our pain. He limits the destructive paths we choose, disciplines us for our good, and invites us into wholeness. God promises to work all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

Connect with us at NewDestinyCoaching.com